Field Of Innocence
by Crimson Snow
Summary: A short piece on what Kikyou's thinking and about how she feels about what's going on. To the song, Field of Innocence, by Evanescence.


  Heyos, just a short one-shot. A lil' piece dedicated to Kikyou. Kinda sad, I suppose. One more thing, if you don't like Kikyou than you DON'T HAVE TO READ. Don't flame me just because you don't like Kikyou, then why are you reading this in the first place!? Jeez, It's common sense you dopes…

Disclaimer: I don't now own the series Inu-yasha or any characters related to it. Miss. Rumiko Takahashi does. And I do not own _Field of Innocence_ by Evanescence.

PS: It's from Kikyou's POV

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They always said I was the bad guy. The antagonist, villain. That's what I was. Or what I seemed to be. Not that it hurt them calling me that never did; after all I'm hollow. Some magic and grave soil, that is all. I'm not human, I am dead. Only my hatred keeps me alive. Alive? I'm not even that. I just walk this world, oblivious of what I am or what I really am. Not that it does matter. Never did. 

I walked aimlessly through the thick forests of Sengoku Jidai. I had no idea where I was headed, not like it mattered anyway. I suppose I could find Inu-yasha and try to drag him to hell with. Yeah, like that would work. My spells have no effect over him anymore like they once did. It's all her fault. The wretch Kagome, my reincarnation. Makes me wonder why I have a reincarnation when I'm alive. Oh wait, I am dead. If that witch Urasue didn't revive me, I wouldn't be in this state. I'd be trapped in my own eternal dream, never to wake up. 

_I still remember the world  
From the eyes of a child_

_Slowly those feelings  
Were clouded by what I know now___

Life's a bitch. Or more like the afterlife is a bitch. I never would have seen this fate coming. Least excepted, I might add. I miss Inu-yasha very much. That was a bit random, ne? Well, I am considered a psychotic freak so what does it matter? I wish I could go back to the good old days when Inu-yasha and me were in love and when there was no Kagome. No Kagome. I sighed. Heaven. We were so deeply in love, I had even considered making a wish on the Shikon no Tama to make myself age like Inu-yasha so I could be with him forever.

But then Inu-yasha told me he wanted to be human. He asked me to bring the Shikon no Tama to the field we usually meet at. That was the biggest mistake in my life. Not taking the jewel so Inu-yasha can wish on it, but going there. If I waited I'm sure Inu-yasha would've showed up by then and have chased Naraku away. Maybe not killed him but chased him away for the time being. I curse myself for my naiveté. What made me think no one might try to take the jewel?

****

_Where has my heart gone  
An uneven trade for the real world  
I want to go back to  
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all_

These are the times I wish I could cry. But I'm just an empty doll, constructed of only mud and dirt. I am immune to feelings, except for hate of course. That is the only reason I am still standing, walking here at this very moment. The hate for Inu-yasha that consumed my soul. Or, my once hate for Inu-yasha, after I found out it wasn't him but Naraku who disguised himself as Inu-yasha, it seemed to disappear. But, what keeps me here? Is it my lust and hate combined? It seems best to dismiss this matter; even in death I may not find this answer. 

Now to the Kagome matter. Oh how I hate her! The wretch that is said to look like me! But how could anyone mistake her for me or vice-versa. It is easy to tell the differences between us. I am wiser and more elegant than she, when she remains naïve and childish. To Inu-yasha though, I'm sure she's perfect in his eyes. And I am, nothing. A has been. Yesterday's news. A tiny black dot in the big picture. I admit to you, I am a bit grateful for Kagome saving me when the miasma was consuming my body. But I would never admit it to anyone aloud, much less her. 

_ I still remember the sun  
Always warm on my back  
Somehow it seems colder now_

And they wonder why I have seemed to ally myself with Naraku. Fools, even if they don't believe me, I am only doing it for my own benefit and certainly not them! I just wish for the jewel to be restored it what it once was, so I can finally destroy Naraku once he makes his wish to become full demon. Then I could return to rest, and walk among this land no more. How I long for that day. When I can no longer care who Inu-yasha is with, or what is going on in the world, the time I can finally sleep in my eternal slumber. 

But for now, I must feed off of souls for the time being. My two shikigamis Kochou and Asuka follow closely behind me. I close my eyes and continue walking. What ever lead to all of this I wonder? I look toward the sky in a fashion I haven't done for years. Longing. I hate to admit it, but I miss Inu-yasha more than I ever thought was conceivable. Heh, how sad. Reducing myself to this. But there's just one part of me that can't let go of my past. My love for Inu-yasha. 

_Where has my heart gone  
Trapped in the eyes of a stranger  
I want to go back to  
Believing in everything_

I should stop such foolish thoughts. I shall not dwell on what could've been it makes it…hurt? Nonsense, I cannot feel pain, not in this body. I sigh. I…...I…....I…... I cough and Kochou and Asuka are immediately at my side. They ask me if I am all right. I just push them away and keep walking. I know they pity me and are giving me such a look. I get the same response from everyone else. Pity, I spat at the ground. I do not need to be felt sorry for. Kochou comes to my side and says that I should rest and conserve my energy incase we have an encounter with Naraku.

I turn away and keep walking. Who cares? I don't care anymore. It's all pointless it truly, deeply is. I'm just wishing for death. My knees betray me as I sink to the ground and Asuka and Kochou help me against a tree trunk. I take and deep breath and gaze at the sky. I feel Asuka's stare penetrating me. She asks me again if I am truly all right. I reply by telling her not to talk out of place. She's quiet after that. Silence hung in the air around 

the three of us as silver; gray clouds go by in the dreary looking sky.   

_Where has my heart gone  
An uneven trade for the real world  
I want to go back to  
Believing in everything and knowing nothing at all_

Silver. Inu-yasha. Gold. Inu-yasha. Insolent eyes and a quick to anger attitude. Good God, what am I, some lovesick girl? In a million years! I am Kikyou. Guardian of the Shikon no Tama and a powerful miko who can ward off any evil. The only evil I can't ward off is the evil in my heart. Actually, I don't really think I have a heart. Ironic and funny. I should become one of those traveling entertainers! Hah, yeah right, note the sarcasm. A chilly wind blows and I hug my arms against my chest. To feel his embrace, his……...kiss. I remember that time I caught Kagome against a tree and kissed Inu-yasha right in front of her face! Sweet, sweet revenge. I must have hurt her. Which of course was the idea _and_ to drag Inu-yasha to hell, which didn't really work out. Heh, heh.     

My dear Inu-yasha, what has happened to you? Your eyes are no longer insolent and non-trusting, but……..soft and caring. Even though you hide it, it is evident you care deeply for that wretch. I tried killing her many times but failed, maybe my sister Kaede was right about Kagome. A mystery. I never thought that her powers could one day rival even mine. _Mine._ Kikyou the priestess's power. I must be losing my touch as I fail to predict such things. Some miko I am. Of course, there is always tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the next and so on. I feel Kochou and Asuka nudge me to get up.

_I still remember the sun  
Always warm on my back  
Somehow it seems colder now___

I stand up and continue walking. Until the ends of the earth. Or, at least until I find Naraku so I can destroy him. Eventually. Eventually. Maybe, I am the bad guy and deserve to be treated this way because of all I've done in the past. Hurt Inu-yasha and Kagome. But who cares about Kagome. I just care about hurting Inu-yasha. But hurting him would be hurting Kagome and hurting Kagome would be hurting him. Hmm…this isn't going to work out right. Either way I'll hurt him. My dear Inu-yasha. My dear, sweet, loud mouthed Inu-yasha. I will always love him. Forever and always. As long as I'm alive. And even when I'm dead for real, my love will always remain, till the day earth will be gone.  

I smirk. This is how I belong. I _am_ the bad guy. And…maybe even the undead feel pain. Even the tiniest bit. Maybe they feel regret too, just the tiniest bit. For know, let's just take everything one step at a time. I shall adapt to every situation, and forget my outlook on the world I lived in so long ago. I was blinded by love and even now I am. I always will. But just for now, I'll take it one step at a time. One step at a time. Forever and always… 

_I still remember the world  
From the eyes of a child  
I want to go back to_

_Believing in everything_****

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Well, that's it. Hope that wasn't too bad. Was Kikyou too evil? Or to soft? I'll try and fix anything that I got wrong. By the way, I changed the order of the song and switched some words around on the last verse I put in so everything would fit. Well, I leave it to you! R&R!   


End file.
